One fall day Peter was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Peter went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Peter. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died", said the man. Peter then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." Peter thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?" To which the man replied, "Get in line." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 156 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. An unemployed biologist was starving and could not find a job. After weeks of searching, he finally gets an interview at a local zoo. The zookeeper tells him that the only job available is to dress up in a gorilla's skin and pretend to be a gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. On his first day on the job, the poor biologist puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. After a while, he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion rushes toward him, roaring and snarling. The poor biologist is terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help... someone help me!!!!" The lion races over to him, knocks him to the ground, and quietly whispers "Hey it's me Sam, from your mammal class, shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 157 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A lonely guy decided that life would be more fun if he had a pet. So, he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he decided on a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the centipede home, found a good location for the box, and then decided he would start off by taking his new pet out for a walk. He walked over to the box and asked, "Would you like to go to out for a short walk with me?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going out for an evening walk?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend. He waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go out for a walk!!!?" An agitated little voice came shrieking from the box, "I heard you the first time...I'm putting on my shoes!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 122 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. There was a mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country. The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage." The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said "Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes." The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 47 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.