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George used to come home very late and very drunk.
His wife decided to teach him a lesson,
so she dressed up like Satan and hid in the dark
to scare him when he got home.
When he finally came stumbling across the lawn,
his wife jumped out in front of him and howled.
He just looked at her and slurred,
"You don't scare me; I'm married to your sister!"



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Wife: "You know, honey, without your glasses
you look like the same handsome young
man I married."

Husband: "Honey without my glasses,
you still look pretty good too!"



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A police officer in a small town stopped
a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

Motorist: "But officer, I can explain."

Officer: "Just be quiet, or I'm going to let you
cool off in jail until the chief gets back!"
Motorist: "But officer, I just wanted to say...."

Officer: "And I said keep quiet!
Now you're going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner,

Officer:"lucky for you that the chief's
at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
Motorist: "Don't count on it, I'm the groom."



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An 90 year old man came to his doctor and
asked for "a half dose of Viagra."

His doctor asked, "Why only a half a dose?"

He replied, "I only need enough to stop
peeing on my shoes!"



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