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An 90 year old man came to his doctor and
asked for "a half dose of Viagra."

His doctor asked, "Why only a half a dose?"

He replied, "I only need enough to stop
peeing on my shoes!"



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Judge (divorce court): Mr. Smith,
I have reviewed your case and decided to give
your wife $300 a week."
Mr. Smith: That's very fair, your honor,
And every now and then I'll try to send
her a few bucks myself.



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A couple on their honeymoon.
The groom decides to let the bride know where
she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He takes off his pants and throw them at her.
Groom: "Put those on."
Bride: "I can't wear your pants."
Groom: "And don't forget that,
I will always wear the pants in the family!".

The bride takes off her panties and throws them at him.
Bride: "Try those on!"
Groom: "I can't get into your panties???!!".
Bride: "And you never will if you don't
change your attitude."



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Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen,
Every day the elephant eats 5 tons of hay,
and 3000 pounds of assorted fruits.
Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside....
MADAM!!! ... MADAM!!! ..., too late; George, dig her out.


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