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A lonely guy decided that life would be more
fun if he had a pet. So, he went to the pet
store and told the owner that he wanted to
buy an unusual pet. After some discussion,
he decided on a centipede, which came in a
little white box to use for its house. He took
the centipede home, found a good location for
the box, and then decided he would start off
by taking his new pet out for a walk. He
walked over to the box and asked, "Would you
like to go to out for a short walk with me?"
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few
minutes and then asked him again, "How about
going out for an evening walk?"
But again, there was no answer from his new
friend. He waited a few minutes more, thinking
about the situation. He decided to ask him
one more time; this time putting his face up
against the centipede's house and shouting,
"Hey, in there! Would you like to go out for
a walk!!!?"
An agitated little voice came shrieking from
the box, "I heard you the first time...I'm
putting on my shoes!"


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Q: What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A: Cowboy hats are for ass holes.


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Dan had been studying whales for over
20 years and had made some thrilling
breakthroughs regarding their communication.
He had managed to decode many of their
underwater sounds and to translate them
into English. His latest research had
proved that they can communicate over
a distance of 300 miles. When asked
what could they possibly have to say
at such distances he replied, "As best
as we can figure, it is something like
- Hey, can you hear me now?"


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Men are like coffee: The best ones are rich,
warm, and keep you up all night long.


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