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Q: What is the difference between a bachelor
and a married man?
A: Bachelor comes home, sees what's in the
refrigerator, goes to bed. Married man comes
home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the
refrigerator.


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"Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four;
four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight;
eight plus eight, the son of a bitch...`"
"Shut up!" shouted furoius Santa. "Watch
your language! You`re not allowed to use
the swearwords".
"But, Dad," replied the boy, "that`s what
the teacher taught us, and she said to recite
it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Santa went right into the classroom
to complain.
"Oh, heavens!" said the teacher. "That`s not
what I taught them. They`re supposed to say,
Two plus two, the sum of which is four."


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One fall day Peter was out raking leaves when
he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following
the first hearse was a second hearse, which was
followed by a man walking solemnly along,
followed by a dog, and then 200 men walking in
single file. Intrigued, Peter went up to the
man following the second hearse and asked him
who was in the first hearse.
"My wife," the man replied.
"I'm sorry," said Peter. "What happened to her?"
"My dog bit her and she died", said the man.
Peter then asked the man who was in the second hearse.
The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit
her and she died as well."
Peter thought about this for a while. He finally
asked the man, "Can I borrow your dog?"
To which the man replied, "Get in line."


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Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...


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