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Farmer Johns goes out one bay and buys
a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.
The cocky young rooster walks over to
the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow,
time to retire."
The old rooster says: "You can't handle
all these chickens, look what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies: "Now don't
give me a hassle about this old man.
It's time for the old to step aside and
the young take over, so take a hike!"
The old rooster says: "Aw, c'mon, just
let me have those two old hens over there
in the corner. I won't bother you."
The young rooster snarls: "Scram! Beat
it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
The old rooster thinks for a minute and
then says to the young rooster: "I'll
tell you what, young fellow, I'll have
a race around the farm house with you.
Whoever wins the race gets full domain
over the chicken coop."
The young rooster smiles: "You know I'm
going to beat you, old man. So just to
be fair, I'm even going to give you a
head start."
The two roosters line up in back of the
farm house; a hen clucks "Go!" and the
old rooster takes off running. About 5
seconds later the young rooster takes
off after him. They round the front of
the farm house and the young rooster is
inches behind the old rooster and gaining
fast. Farmer Johns, sitting on the porch,
hearing the commotion looks up and sees
what's going on. Quickly, he grabs his
shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is
blown to smithereens! Farmer Brown sadly
shakes his head in disgust: "Damn! That
makes the third gay rooster I bought this week."


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Mat's dad picked him up from school
to take him to a dental appointment.
Knowing the parts for the school play
were supposed to be posted today,
he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that
he'd gotten a part.
"I play a man who's been married for
twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good
work and before you know it they'll
be giving you a speaking part."


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Q: What is a hooker in Alaska called?
A: A frostitute!


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The rescue team finds the crashed airplane.
The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,
with a huge pile of human bones next to him,
and the rescuers are shocked.
He says, "You can't judge me for this. I had
to survive."
The leader of the rescue team says, "But
Jesus Christ, man, your plane only went down
yesterday."


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