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Our dog left so many disgusting stains
on our carpet that we had to buy new carpet.
I didn't want to be stupid about the new
purchase, so I cut the stains out of the
old carpet. When the carpet guy asked what
color we wanted, I pulled out the stained
patches and said, "Yeah, can you match this color!"


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Three old men were sitting on a porch.
"I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one.
"I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another.
"I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM.
I just wish I could get up before noon."


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A couple is lying in bed.
The man says, "I am going
to make you the happiest
woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you."


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Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: Two Siamese twins connected
at the tongue.


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