The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone, with a huge pile of human bones next to him, and the rescuers are shocked. He says, "You can't judge me for this. I had to survive." The leader of the rescue team says, "But Jesus Christ, man, your plane only went down yesterday." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 14 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Our dog left so many disgusting stains on our carpet that we had to buy new carpet. I didn't want to be stupid about the new purchase, so I cut the stains out of the old carpet. When the carpet guy asked what color we wanted, I pulled out the stained patches and said, "Yeah, can you match this color!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 143 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 108 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 128 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.