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Martin: "Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge."
Doctor: "What's come over you?"
Martin: "Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach."


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A city mouse had a country
mouse stay for the weekend,
and spent the whole time
offering urban advice.
On the last evening of the
country mouse's visit, they
were dining in the kitchen
when in came the largest
cat the country mouse had
ever seen.
"Don't panic", said the town
mouse, "Leave this to me."
Marching up to the cat she
said, "Bow wow wow wow!"
The cat turned and ran
from the room.
"How did you do that?" asked
the country mouse.
"Like I told you," said
the town mouse, "it pays
to learn a second language."


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Q: what is big, white and cuddly?
A: Santa Claus!


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Q: What should you do if you
see your ex-husband rolling
around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.


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