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Two psychologists meet at
their twentieth college reunion.
One of them looks like he
just graduated, while the
other psychologist looks old,
worried and withered.
The older looking one asks
the other, "What's your secret?
Listening to other people's
problems every day, all
day long, for years on end,
has made an old man of me."
The younger looking one
replies, "Who listens?"


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Q: What do you do when the dishwasher breaks down?
A: Slap the bitch and tell her to get back to work.


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Peter: "Doctor, doctor, I
keep thinking I'm a bell."
Doctor: "Well, just go home
and if the feeling persists,
give me a ring."


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A psychologist was walking along
a Hawaiian beach when he kicked
a bottle poking up through the sand.
Opening it, he was astonished to
see a cloud of smoke and a genie
smiling at him.
"For your kindness," the genie said,
"I will grant you one wish!"
The psychologist paused, laughed,
and replied, "I have always wanted
a road from Hawaii to California."
The genie grimaced, thought for
a few minutes and said, "Listen,
I'm sorry, but I can't do that!
Think of all the pilings needed
to hold up the highway and how
long they'd have to be to reach
the bottom of the ocean. Think of
all the pavement. That's too much
to ask."
"OK," the psychologist said, not
wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm
a psychologist. Make me understand
my patients. What makes them laugh
and cry, why are they temperamental,
why are they so difficult to get
along with, what do they really
want? Basically, teach me to
understand what makes them tick!"
The genie paused, and then sighed,
"Did you want two lanes or four?"


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