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Peter: "Doctor, doctor, I
keep thinking I'm a bell."
Doctor: "Well, just go home
and if the feeling persists,
give me a ring."


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A psychologist was walking along
a Hawaiian beach when he kicked
a bottle poking up through the sand.
Opening it, he was astonished to
see a cloud of smoke and a genie
smiling at him.
"For your kindness," the genie said,
"I will grant you one wish!"
The psychologist paused, laughed,
and replied, "I have always wanted
a road from Hawaii to California."
The genie grimaced, thought for
a few minutes and said, "Listen,
I'm sorry, but I can't do that!
Think of all the pilings needed
to hold up the highway and how
long they'd have to be to reach
the bottom of the ocean. Think of
all the pavement. That's too much
to ask."
"OK," the psychologist said, not
wanting to be unreasonable. "I'm
a psychologist. Make me understand
my patients. What makes them laugh
and cry, why are they temperamental,
why are they so difficult to get
along with, what do they really
want? Basically, teach me to
understand what makes them tick!"
The genie paused, and then sighed,
"Did you want two lanes or four?"


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John had an operation and
was coming out of the ether.
He looked at the two other
patients in nearby beds and
said, "Thank God that's over!"
"Don't be too sure," said
Peter in the next bed,
"they left a sponge in me
and had to cut me open again."
Paul, in the other bad added,
"They had to open me up too,
just to recover one of their
instruments."
Just then the doctor stuck
his head in the door and
called, "Anyone seen my hat?"
John fainted.


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This guy travels all over the
world gathering information to
write a book on various churches,
at each church he notices a
golden telephone on the wall
with a sign saying $10,000.
He asked the first priest why
it was a $10,000 dollar call,
and the priest said "My son
that is the price to talk to God."
Arriving in St. John's he again
sees a golden telephone, but
this time the sign reads 25
cents, finding the priest he
ask why the call is so cheap,
the priest replys, "My son,
from here it is a local call."


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