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A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant;
first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because
he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth
and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked
why didn't they just throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even
have an air conditioner."


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I've always ordered beverages one simple way: "A Coke, please."
Lately, though, this hasn't seemed to work. Waitresses now
often respond, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke. We have Pepsi,
Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Mr. Pibb."
Tired of listening to the long list of soft drinks, I thought
I'd make life easier. So one day I simply asked the snack bar
clerk at a movie theater for a "dark, carbonated beverage."
The young man behind the counter chuckled and asked, "Sir,
would you like a cylindrical plastic sucking device with that?"


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An elderly couple, still very loving
after all these years, is shocked
when the woman's doctor says she has
a heart condition that could kill her
at any time. She is to avoid stress,
eat right, and never, ever have sex
again--the strain would be too much.
The couple reluctantly try to live by
these rules. Both get really horny
over time, however, and the husband
decides he'd better sleep downstairs
on the couch to guard against temptation.
This works for a few weeks, until late
one night when they meet each other
on the stairs--she's coming downstairs,
he's heading up.
"Honey, I have a confession to make,"
the woman says, her voice quavering.
"I was about to commit suicide."
"I'm glad to hear it, sweetie,"
the man says, "Because I was just
coming upstairs to kill you!"


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Q: what do students sail on ?
A: a scholarship.


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