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The angry wife met her husband at the door.

There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.

"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in
here at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."


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A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's
vagina.

The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made
a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with
forceps.

He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating
her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion.
"if neither of you objects," the doctor said, "I could give it a try."

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some
honey and mounted the woman.

The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several
long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"

"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."


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On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of
the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe.

The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."

The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he
exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.

Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"

He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.

He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are
married now."

At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture".

He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"


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A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser's getting her hair styled prior to a
trip to Rome with her boyfriend.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser who responded, "Why would anyone want to go to
Rome? It's crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to
Rome."

"So how are you getting there?"

"We're flying Continental," was the reply. We got a good rate."

"Continental," exclaimed the hairdresser, "that's a terrible airline. Their planes are
old. Their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late."
"So, where are you staying in Rome?", asked the hairdresser.

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left side called Teste...."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special
and exclusive but it's really a dump - the worst hotel in the whole city! The rooms are
small, the service is surly and they're way overpriced."
"So, whatcha doing when you get there?", quizzed the hairdresser.

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we are hoping to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser, "you and a million other people trying to see him.
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're sure
going to need it."

A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman, "not only did we arrive on time in one
of Continental's brand new jets but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first
class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year old steward who
waited on me hand and foot."

"And the hotel - it was fabulous! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now
it's just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked so they
apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge"

"Well, muttered the hairdresser, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope.

"Actually, we were quite lucky because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me
on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors
and if I'd be so kind to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally
greet me."
"Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my
hand. I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Really?" asked the hairdresser, "What'd he say?"

He said, "Where did you get that crappy hairdo?"


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