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On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of
the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe.

The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."

The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he
exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture.

Puzzled she asks, "My picture?"

He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower.

He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are
married now."

At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture".

He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"


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A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser's getting her hair styled prior to a
trip to Rome with her boyfriend.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser who responded, "Why would anyone want to go to
Rome? It's crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to
Rome."

"So how are you getting there?"

"We're flying Continental," was the reply. We got a good rate."

"Continental," exclaimed the hairdresser, "that's a terrible airline. Their planes are
old. Their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late."
"So, where are you staying in Rome?", asked the hairdresser.

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left side called Teste...."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special
and exclusive but it's really a dump - the worst hotel in the whole city! The rooms are
small, the service is surly and they're way overpriced."
"So, whatcha doing when you get there?", quizzed the hairdresser.

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we are hoping to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser, "you and a million other people trying to see him.
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're sure
going to need it."

A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman, "not only did we arrive on time in one
of Continental's brand new jets but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first
class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year old steward who
waited on me hand and foot."

"And the hotel - it was fabulous! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now
it's just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked so they
apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge"

"Well, muttered the hairdresser, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope.

"Actually, we were quite lucky because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me
on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors
and if I'd be so kind to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally
greet me."
"Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my
hand. I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Really?" asked the hairdresser, "What'd he say?"

He said, "Where did you get that crappy hairdo?"


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An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that
it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,

"Pardon me, madam.

I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high
wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are
exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down
there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"


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Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads
for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up
yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"

He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane
glue."


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