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An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that
it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,

"Pardon me, madam.

I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high
wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are
exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down
there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"


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Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads
for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up
yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"

He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane
glue."


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Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems.

The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have
to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour, 'cause my pee barely
trickles out."

"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a
shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".

The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss
like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig.

The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."


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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the
bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing
black?"



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