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An old man lived alone in Missouri. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very
hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in Jefferson City Prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's
where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, two dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden,
without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking
him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Now you can plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do at
this time."



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The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to
death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a
hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand
your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge
you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, but for
fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a
hammer, he said he didn't have one."


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Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Booragoon, where women could go to choose a
husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in
positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from
that floor; If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place,
never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...

First floor. The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women
read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job, or not loving kids,
but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor. The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are
extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's further up?

Third floor. This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking,
love kids and help with the housework." Wow! said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's
more further up! And up they went.

Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are
extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh,
mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on!" So up to the fifth floor
they went.

Fifth floor. The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove
that women are impossible to please!"



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Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked a little boy about his family trip.

"We visited my grandmother in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," he replied.

The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"

The student, obviously flustered, thought a moment and then said, "Actually, we went to
Ohio."


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