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A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"

"No" her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a
bush."

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" Mom asked.

"Yes."

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that
says, 'For the Sick'."


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Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked
it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he
got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world
countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it
be?"

Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle
East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women.
See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Jeez, Fella! These people
have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can
be done. Make another wish."

Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. Even
though she got elected, they call her a carpetbagger. They think she's mean, ugly, and
pushes me around. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want
everybody to like her. That's what I want."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Lemme see that map again."


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Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say,
"Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know,
Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years
old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten
dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for
a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge
you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns,
rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not
a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to
get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is
ten dollars."



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There are three guys on a plane, George Bush, Bill Clinton, and Saddam Hussein.

Bored, George Bush blurts out, "I want to see an apple fly," so he throws one out the
window and it flew.

A while later Bill Clinton says, "I want to see an orange fly," so he throws one out the
window and it flew.

A little while longer, Saddam Hussein says, "Well, I want to see a grenade fly," so he
throws one out the window and it flew.

The plane lands and the three guys are walking down a market street when they come across
an old woman crying and rubbing her head.

"Whats the matter?" they ask her.

"I was sitting here tending to my shop when an apple flew from the sky and hit me on the
head."

A bit embarrassed, they continue walking down the street.

A while later they come across a man crying and cursing at the sky. "What's the matter?"
they ask him.

"I was sitting here minding my own buisness when an orange came out of the sky and hit me
on the head."

A bit concerned, they continue down the road until they come across a little boy laughing
very hard.

"What's so funny?" they ask the little boy.

The little boy leans in close and whispers, "I farted, and the house behind me blew up."




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