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A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a
few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "And this morning
she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "And this
morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you
make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."



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These are the types of shit:

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the
toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing
on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you
have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them
with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants
up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you
practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without
first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking.
It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit
on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving
you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get
splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done
poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to
fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!



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On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their
commander.

The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a
sum of £100 pound per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice.

The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him
up.

"I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!" replies the man of war.

"Excellent," says the commander, that's "70 inches, so here's £7000."

Secondly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the
other outstretched.

"Excellent," replies the commander after measuring the marine, "75 inches, so that's
£7500."

Thirdly he asks the explosives expert.

"I'll have measured the tip of my dick to he end of my balls sahr!"

The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down
in the private's privates he snaps back up saying "Where in Christ are your balls
soldier?"

The soldier smiles at him and says, "Falkland Islands sahr!"


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A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Iraq a few
months ago.

So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back
home.

He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV
shows.

He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time
eating the cookies and watching some episodes of South Park.

Right in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees
sucking his best friend's ding dong.

After a few seconds, he blows his load in her pie hole and she turns and spits the load
right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough.

She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I want a divorce."


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