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Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

The Artist Formerly Known as Prince won't admit that he has one.

Clinton uses his all the time.

What is it?

Answer: A LAST NAME!



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A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle.

He goes to a gun shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.

The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my
house all the way up on that hill."

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.

"What's so funny?" asks the clerk.

"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house," the man replies.

The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house.

Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, "Here are two bullets, I'll give you this
scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the
guy's dick off."

The man takes another look through the scope, and says, "You know what? I think I can do
that with one shot!"




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A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a
few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "And this morning
she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "And this
morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man."

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you
make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"

"Don't stop."



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These are the types of shit:

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the
toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing
on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you
have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them
with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants
up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you
practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without
first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking.
It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit
on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving
you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get
splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done
poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to
fart, but *oops* --- a poopie!



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