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Three racehorses were sitting in a bar bragging to each other about their life
accomplishments.

The first horse boasts, "I've been in 59 races and I've won 35 of them."

"That's nothing," says the second horse. "I've raced 97 times, and I've won 78 of them!"

The third horse joins in, "Well, I've raced 122 times and I've won 102!"

Just then, the horses hear a voice say, "I've got you all beat!"

The horses look down and see a greyhound.

"I've raced over 200 times, and I have NEVER lost!"

The horses look at the dog in amazement.

One of them says "How about that, a talking dog!"



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Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held
his fragile hand, tears running down her face.Her praying roused him from his slumber. He
looked up, and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"Becky, my darling," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have something that I must
confess."

"There isn't anything to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "everything's alright, go to
sleep."

"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her
best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."



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"Class dismissed!" the teacher yelled.

Little Johnny doesn't go, he walks to the teachers desk and says, "Teacher can I go home
with you?"

The teacher says "No!"

Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."

So the teacher says, "Okay."

They get to the teachers house and she says, "Well I'm going to take a quick shower, you
sit right here."

"Can I take a shower with you?" he asks.

"NO!" says the teacher.

"I'll tell my daddy!!"

"Well, okay, I guess so."

So, they're in the shower and little Johnny says, "Can I turn off the lights?"

"No!" says the teacher.

"I'll tell my daddy."

"Well, okay."

So the lights are off and little Johnny says, "Can I stick my finger in your belly
button?"

"NO!" says the teacher.

"I'll tell my daddy."

"Well, okay"says the teacher.

"JOHNNY!!!! That's not my belly-button!"

"Yeah? That's not my finger either."



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A new bride went to her doctor for a check up.

Lacking knowledge of the male anatomy, she asked the doctor, "What's that thing hanging
between my husbands legs?"

The doctor replies, "We call that the penis."

The new bride then asks, "What's that reddish/purple thing on the end of the penis?"

The doctor replies, "We call that the head of the penis.

The bride then asks, "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the
penis?"

The doctor replies, "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"


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