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In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the
night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here,
you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I
think there's yet another wee one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems
there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do ya think it's
the light that's attractin' them?"



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A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day.

It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for 3 days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.

She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I
don't want to see you for 3 weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends
over to pick it up.

This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.

She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

To which Little Johnny replies, "Well Miss, from what I just saw, my school days are
over."



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A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man began, "I can explain".

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until
the chief gets back."

The man tried again to plead his case. "But officer, I just wanted to say . . ."

"And I said to keep quiet!" The officer said, "You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the
chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."


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The board of directors for a large company, believing it was time for a shake-up, hires a
new CEO.

This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers, so on a tour of the
facilities during his first day, the CEO notices a guy leaning casually against the wall.


The room is full of workers and he wants to let them all know he means business, and
wasting time on the clock is not acceptable.

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week.
Why?"

The CEO reaches into his wallet, hands the guy $1,200 in cash, and screams, "Here's four
weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does
anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here aside from standing around?"

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "That guy delivered our pizza."


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