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There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first cow said: "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary.
They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other cow replies: "I am not worried, it doesn't affect us ducks."



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A man walks into a bar one day and asks:
"Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my Chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talking about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly.
"How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"



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A preacher is buying a parrot.
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's
prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.



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A man and his dog walk into a bar.
The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."
Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."
Man: "What covers a house?"
Dog: "Roof!"
Man: "How does sandpaper feel?"
Dog: "Rough!"
Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time?"
Dog: "Ruth!"
Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk."
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door.
Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says:
"Or is the greatest player Mantle?"



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