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During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had
placed a winning bid say to the auctioneer,
"I'm paying a fortune for that parrot. I hope he
talks as well as you say he does."
"I guarantee it, madam," replied the auctioneer.
"Who do you think was bidding against you?"



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Once there were two men walking down the street.
One of them said "Hey is that dog poop?"
The other guy said "Hey why don't you touch it."
"Yep , feels like dog poop"
Well why don't you smell it."
"Yep smells like dog poop."
"Why dont you taste it"
"Yep tastes like dog poop."
"Well good thing we didn't step in it."


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For months he had been her devoted admirer.
Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient
courage to ask her the most momentous of all
questions.
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,"
he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for
the companionship of another being...a being who will
regard one as perfect, as an idol ;whom one can treat
as one's absolute property; who will be kind and faithful
when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows... "
To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement. She replied,
"I think its a great idea...
I would love to help you choose your pet dog."


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After a day fishing in the ocean a
fisherman is walking from the pier
carrying two lobsters in a bucket.
He is approached by the Game
Warden who asks him for his
fishing license. The fisherman
turns to the warden,
"I did not catch these lobsters, they are my
pets. Everyday I come down to the water
and whistle and these lobster jump out and
I take them for a walk only to return them
at the end of the day," he says.
The warden, not believing him, reminds him
that it is illegal to fish without a license. The
fisherman turns to the warden and says":
"If you don't believe me then watch,"
as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden says,
"Now whistle to your lobsters and show me
that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden
and say:
"What lobsters?"


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