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A young fellow was about to be married
and was asking his grandfather about sex.
He asked how often you should have it.
His grandfather told him that when you
first get married, you want it all the
time... and maybe do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it
once a week or so. Then as you get older,
you have sex maybe once a month. When you
get really old, you are lucky to have it
once a year... maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather,
"Well how about you and Grandma now?"
His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have
oral sex now."
"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.
"Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in
her bedroom, and I go to in my bedroom...
And she yells, 'Fuck You!!!!!' and I holler
back, 'Fuck You too.' "



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A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely
women who in a short time were fighting
over his attentions. They held a meeting
to resolve the problem and decided that
each would have his services on a different
day of the week, with Sundays off for him.
In due time the guy was dragging himself
through the week, looking forward to Sunday.
As he lay an the beach one day he saw a dot
floating on the sea which as it got closer
turned out to be a man on a raft. With his
last ounce of strength he swam out, pulled
the raft ashore, gave the occupant CPR and
as he came around said to him;
"Oh man, am I ever glad to see you! “
"Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see
you too," said the raft rider in a swishy way.
With a shrug of resignation the guy said...
"Oh damn, there goes my Sundays!"



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A young couple, married just a couple weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the
beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and
makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying. So the husband enquires,
"What's wrong, honey?" "Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big
breakfast but I can't cook or clean." The husband smiles his biggest smile and says,
"There, there sweety! I don't care that you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the
bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast." So off they went to the bedroom.
That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the
kitchen. "What's wrong now, sweetie?" "Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in
here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook." Again the husband smiles and
says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!" So off
they went to the bedroom again. That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the
house and sees his new bride sliding down the banister of the stairs nearly naked. Up she
runs, and WHOOSH down the banister. After the third trip the husband asks, "What the heck
are you doing honey?" The new bride replied smiling, "Warming up your supper!"



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A hot shot East Coast reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a
conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they
retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.
"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was
disrobing.
"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.
"Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! Get your clothes back on at once at get the hell out of
here ! " he thundered. Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet
smiled and said,
"Superstitious, huh ?"



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