A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time... and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year... maybe on your anniversary. The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?" His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to in my bedroom... And she yells, 'Fuck You!!!!!' and I holler back, 'Fuck You too.' " Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 714 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions. They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through the week, looking forward to Sunday. As he lay an the beach one day he saw a dot floating on the sea which as it got closer turned out to be a man on a raft. With his last ounce of strength he swam out, pulled the raft ashore, gave the occupant CPR and as he came around said to him; "Oh man, am I ever glad to see you! “ "Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see you too," said the raft rider in a swishy way. With a shrug of resignation the guy said... "Oh damn, there goes my Sundays!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 740 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A young couple, married just a couple weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying. So the husband enquires, "What's wrong, honey?" "Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast but I can't cook or clean." The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, "There, there sweety! I don't care that you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast." So off they went to the bedroom. That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now, sweetie?" "Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook." Again the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!" So off they went to the bedroom again. That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride sliding down the banister of the stairs nearly naked. Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister. After the third trip the husband asks, "What the heck are you doing honey?" The new bride replied smiling, "Warming up your supper!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 748 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A hot shot East Coast reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed. "Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing. "Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile. "Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! Get your clothes back on at once at get the hell out of here ! " he thundered. Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh ?" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 562 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.