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John walks into a bar .The bartender says,
"Hey John, how about a beer."
John replies "Yeah I'll have one, but call me Lucky."
"Why call you Lucky?"
"Well, I was changing a flat on the highway, then I realized I had forgot something in the
car. Right after I walk away, a truck drives by and knocks the car right off the jack.
Would have landed right on me."
"Boy you are lucky."
The next day John walks again into the bar and the bartender says
"Hey John, how about a beer."
"Yeah I'll take one, but call me Lucky."
"Now what happened?"
"Well, me and my lady were having sex, when the guy downstairs got mad, because of the
noise and shot his gun off , the bullet got me right in the nuts."
"Wait a minute, how is that Lucky?"
"A minute earlier he would have got me right between the eyes".



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A well-dressed doctor walks into to a bar and sees, a drunk women who is sobbing
uncontrollably. The doctor, being a compassionate man, he sits next to the lady and asks
her what her problem is. The lady turns to him and says that her husband, whom she loves
dearly, has terrible dandruff and won't go out in public with her.
The doctor states that the easiest remedy would be to give him Head & Shoulders. The lady
pauses for a second and asks,
"O.K., but how do I give shoulders?"



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Two fellows were sitting in a bar in a rather intoxicated state. Conversation came around
to where they had spent their holidays, and one of them said he was in Cape Breton.
“The only two things to come out of Cape Breton are whores and Hockey Players.” said the
second.
The first one angrily states his wife is from Cape Breton. His drinking buddy says
"Is that so... and what team did she play for?"



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A man and his wife are fucking. Fifteen minutes has passed, 30 minutes, then 45 minutes.
Sweat is pouring off both of them. The wife finally looks up and says,
"What's the matter, darling, can't you think of anyone else, either?"



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