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Q: What do and Bob Dole and Monica Lewinsky have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.



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Two friends had a friendly lunch when
the subject turned to sex.
"You know, Peter and I have been having
some sexual problems", Julia told her friend.
"That's amazing!" Jeniffer replied,
"So have John and I. “We're thinking
of going to a sex therapist", said Julia.
"Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too
embarrassed!", said Jeniffer "But after
you go, will you please tell me how it went?"
After few weeks the two friends met for
lunch again.
"So how was the sex therapy ,Julia?",
asked Jeniffer. "Things couldn't be better!",
Julia exclaimed. "We began with a physical
exam, and afterward the doctor said he was
certain he could help us. He told us to stop
at the grocery store on the way home and buy
a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts.
He told us to sit on the floor nude, and
toss the grapes and donuts at each other.
Every grape that went into my vagina, Peter
had to get it out with his tongue. Every
donut that I ringed his penis with, I had
to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact
it's better than it's ever been!"
With that endorsement Jeniffer talked her
husband into an appointment with the same
sex therapist. After the physical exams were
completed the doctor called Jeniffer and
John into his office.
"I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you,"
he said. "But doctor," Jeniffer complained,
"You did such good for Julia and Peter, surely
you must have a suggestion for us! Please,
please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?"
"Well, OK," the doctor answered. "On your way home,
I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy
a sack of apples and a box of cheerios..."



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Q: Why sleeping with a man is like a soap opera?
A: Because always as it’s getting interesting,
he is finished until next time.



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A carrot was talking to a pickle and a dick.
The carrot says I have a hard life, people
buy me and shave me and eat me. The pickle
said oh yeah, I used to be a cucumber and
they cooked me and flavored me and I can get
eaten too! Oh yeah, says the dick, well I
get a plastic bag over my head everyday and
then they make me do pushups till I barf.



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