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There was a young lady of Crewe,
Who said as the Bishop withdrew,
"The Vicar was slicker
And thicker and quicker
And five inches longer than you!"



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Q: What is Bill Clinton's worst nightmare?
A: An intern with braces.



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Q: Why does a Jewish American Princess close her eyes during sex?
A: So she can fantasize about shopping.



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A guy is having marital problems. He and the
wife are not communicating at all and he's
lonesome, so he goes to a pet store thinking
a pet might help. The store he happened into
specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the
rows of parrots he notices one with no feet.
Surprised he mutters, "I wonder how he hangs
onto the perch?"
The parrot says, "With my prick, you dummy."
The guy is startled and says, "You certainly
talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says, "Of course, I'm a very well
educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports,
religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says ,"Gee, you sound like just what
I was looking for."
The parrot says, "There's not much of a market
for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor
$20 for me, I'll bet he'll sell me."
The guy buys the parrot and for three months
things go great. When he comes home from work
the parrot tells him Clinton said this, the
A's won and so on.
One day the guy comes home from work and the
parrot waves a wing at him and says, "Come in
and shut the door."
The guy says, "What's up?" The parrot says,
"I don't know how to tell you this, but the
mailman came today. Your wife answered the door
in her negligee and he kissed her right on the
lips." The guy says, "Oh, A momentary flight of
passion."
The parrot says, "Well, maybe, but then he fondled
her breasts." The guy says, "He did??"
The parrot says, "Yes. Then he pulled her negligee
down and started sucking on her breasts." The guy
says, "My God, what happened next?!?"
The parrot says, "I don't know. I got a hard-on and
fell off my perch."



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