Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein" a heavily-accented voice said. "This is Yitzhak down in Tel Aviv, Israel. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Yitzhak," Saddam replied, "This is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," said Yitzhak after a moment's calculation, "there is me, my cousin Saul, my next-door neighbor Shlomo, and the entire pinnochle team from the deli-that makes eight!" Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Yitzhak, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Oy vey!" said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Yitzhak rang back. "Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Yitzhak?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Goldberg's tractor from the kibbutz." Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Yitzhak, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Really?!" said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, Yitzhak rang again the next day. "Right, Mr.Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Moshe's ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!" Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Yitzhak that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MIG-19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to two million." "Oy gevalt!", said Yitzhak, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Yitzhak called again the next day. "Right, Mr Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Yitzhak, "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 42 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. one day an indian man went to jerusalem he stopped a taxi and said hey, take me to river jordan and the atxi man said it`s $20.the man screamed $20!o.k let`s go...when they got there he saw a ferryboat and asked the ferryman,how much is it to cross river jordan and the f.man satd $50.the man screamed $50! no wonder jesus walked upon the sea. Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 278 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. An Army base staff that was planning war games did not want to use live ammunition. Instead they informed the men: "In place of a rifle, you go 'Bang, bang'. In place of a knife you go, 'Stab, stab'. In place of a hand grenade you go, 'Lob, lob.'" The game was in progress when one of the soldiers saw one of the enemy. He went, "Bang, bang" but nothing happened. He ran forward and went "Stab, stab" but nothing happened. He ran back and went "Lob, lob" but nothing happened. Finally he walked up to the enemy and said, "You are not playing fair. I went, 'Bang, bang' and 'Stab, stab' and 'Lob, lob' and you haven't fallen dead yet!" The enemy responded, "Rumble, rumble. I'm a tank." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 52 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. The class discussion centered on the university's coed dorms. While the professor said this cohabitation of men and women reflected the newer generation's relaxed ethical standards, many students disagreed. Finally one student asked, "You mean you never walked into a woman's dorm after hours when you were in college? "Never," the teacher replied firmly. "I had to climb in through the window." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 29 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.