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Barman: "Are you trying to drown your sorrows mate?"
Jim: "You could say that."
Barman: "It usually doesn't work, you know."
Jim: "No. I can't even get her anywhere near the water..."


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Patient: "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
Doctor: "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".


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Bill walks into doctor's office.
Doctor: "What seems to be the problem?"
Bill: "It's... um... well... I have five penises."
Doctor: "How do your trousers fit?"
Bill: "Like a glove."


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Two rednecks speeding down a dirt road in Alabama
when they were pulled over by a local Sheriff.
Sheriff: "You got any ID?".
Driver: "Bout what?"


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