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Wife entered the kitchen and found her husband
stalking around the room with a fly swatter.

Wife: "What are you doing?".
Husband: "I'm hunting flies,".
Wife (amused): "Have you killed any?"
Husband: "Yep, two males and three females,".
Wife: "How can you tell?"
Husband: "Two were on a beer can,
three were on the phone,".



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Two Oxygen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron".
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."


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There was a man who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was until I got married;
and then it was too late."


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Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.


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