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Q: Whats brown and runs round the garden?
A: A fence.



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The National Transportation Safety Board recently
divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with
the US auto makers for the past five years.
The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto
makers were installing black boxes in four wheel
drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine,
in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last
15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states
the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes
were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3%
of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this!"


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Three gays are in a spa bath - Suddenly a blob
of semen floats to the surface of the spa.
They all look at each other and one says to the
other two: "Ok, which of you two morons farted?"


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There was an atheist who's boat was drowned in the ocean.
He started to swim to the beach. All of the sudden he
sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming
like crazy. The beach is a ways off and he starts swimming
faster and faster. He's scared to death, and as he turns
to see the jaws of the shark open revealing its teeth,
the atheist screams, "Oh God! Please help me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines
down from above. The man is motionless in the water when
he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist.
Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true
I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you
make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted
back into the heavens and the man could feel the water
begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the
shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden
the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast
closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you
Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."


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