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A woman find a burglar in her house with a bunch of
stuff he was stealing from her house. Not having any
kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hands
and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.
The burglar froze in place and didn't move.
The woman called 911, the police arrived and were
amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood.
"What did you say to him that kept him from moving?"
they asked the woman.
She told them that she had simply said 'Acts 2:38'
and quoted scripture.
The police took the burglar out to the station.
"Why did the woman's quoting scripture scare you so
much?" they asked.
"Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she said
she had an ax and two 38's!"


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Q: why did the washing machine laugh?
A: Because it taking the piss out of the pants.


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Q: How many Irishman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the
room starts spinning.


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Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around
women so much?
A:Because they have nothing else to brag about.


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