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Three women were sitting around talking about
their husbands performance as a lover.
The first woman says "My husband works as a
marriage counsellor. He always buys me flowers
and candy before we make love. I like that."
The second woman says "My husband is a motorcycle
mechanic. He likes to play rough and slap me
around sometimes. I kinda like that."
The third woman just shakes her head and says
"My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits
on the edge of the bed and tells me how great
it's going to be when I get it."


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"How did it happen?" the doctor asked Jesse
as he set his broken leg.
"Well, doctor, 15 years ago..."
"Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke
your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying... 15 years ago, when I
first started working on the farm, that night,
right after I`d gone to bed, the farmer`s
beautiful daughter came into my room. She
asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said, "No, everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I`m sure," I said.
"Isn`t there anything I can do for you???"
she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What the hell
does this story have to do with your broken leg?!"
"Well, this morning," Jesse explained,
"when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell
off the roof!"


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A man and his wife were having some problems
at home and were giving each other the silent
treatment. The next week the man realized that
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am
for an early morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence,
he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me
at 5:00 am".
The next morning the man awakened, only to
discover it was 9:00 am, and he had missed his
flight. Furious, he was about to see why his
wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece
of paper by the bed, it said: "It is 5:00 am.
Wake up."


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Peter: "Mary and I are going to get a divorce".
John was stunned. "Why? What happened, you two
seem so happy together"
"Well" he said, "ever since we got married, Mary
has tried to change me. She got me to stop
drinking, smoking, running around at all hours
of the night and more. She taught me how to dress
well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music and how to invest in the stock
market."
"Are you a little bitter because she spent so
much time trying to change you." John probed.
"Nah, I`m not bitter. Now that I`m so improved,
she just isn`t good enough for me."


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