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Policeman: "I'm afraid that I'm going
to have to lock you up for the night."
Man: "What's the charge officer?"
Policeman: "Oh, there's no charge.
It's all part of the service.


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A man was found murdered in
his home over the weekend.
Detectives at the scene found
the man face down in his tub.
The tub had been filled with
milk, and the deceased had a
banana protruding from his buttocks.
Police suspect a cereal killer.


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A seven year-old turns up in his classroom
one morning to be confronted by his teacher:
Teacher: "Morning Tommy, and why weren't you
at school yesterday?"
Tommy: "Well Miss, my Granddad got burnt."
Teacher:"Oh Dear, he wasn't too badly hurt I hope?"
Tommy: "Oh yes, Miss. They don't mess around
at those crematoriums."


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A deputy police officer responded to
a report of a barroom disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be
well over six feet tall and weighed
almost 300 pounds. What's more, he
boasted that he could whip the deputy
and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that
you're also an escape artist-probably
better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy
continued, "you could show us how
strong you really are. But all I've
got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't
you see just how quickly you can break
out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed,
pulled and jerked for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant
growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied.
"I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy,
"you're under arrest."


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