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A seven year-old turns up in his classroom
one morning to be confronted by his teacher:
Teacher: "Morning Tommy, and why weren't you
at school yesterday?"
Tommy: "Well Miss, my Granddad got burnt."
Teacher:"Oh Dear, he wasn't too badly hurt I hope?"
Tommy: "Oh yes, Miss. They don't mess around
at those crematoriums."


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A deputy police officer responded to
a report of a barroom disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be
well over six feet tall and weighed
almost 300 pounds. What's more, he
boasted that he could whip the deputy
and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that
you're also an escape artist-probably
better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy
continued, "you could show us how
strong you really are. But all I've
got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't
you see just how quickly you can break
out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed,
pulled and jerked for four minutes.
"I can't get out of these," the giant
growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked.
The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied.
"I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy,
"you're under arrest."


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A man walks into the sheriff's office.
"I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man"
says the sheriff handling the man a
wanted poster.
The poster reads: 'Last seen wearing a
brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown
paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful
yound man.
"Rustling."


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Having gone to his secretary's apartment,
Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and
find that it was three in the morning.
"My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going
to kill me!"
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran
to the nearest pay phone and called his wife.
"Honey!" he began, "Don't call the cops
and don't pay the ransom, I escaped!"


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