A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." The reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 97 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Q: Where does Kasparov hate to swim? A: In a deep blue ocean! Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 154 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. 3 guys wanted to be police officers. The first one went in and the chief said "You have to kill your mother". He says "I cant do that". So the next guy comes in and the chief says "You have to kill your dad". He says "I cant do that". So the next guy comes in and the chief says "You have to kill this lady waiting in the waiting room." He says "Well alright." So he goes in there and the chief hears all this racket and he says "What the hell are you doing"? The guy says, "Well you didnt put any bullets in this gun so I had to chase her around with a chair and beat her to death!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 95 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare, and walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words. The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket, and slowly counted out four $5 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked deeply into her eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said: "Paint my house." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 233 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.