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Q: Where does Kasparov hate to swim?
A: In a deep blue ocean!


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3 guys wanted to be police officers.
The first one went in and the chief
said "You have to kill your mother".
He says "I cant do that".
So the next guy comes in and the chief
says "You have to kill your dad".
He says "I cant do that".
So the next guy comes in and the chief
says "You have to kill this lady
waiting in the waiting room."
He says "Well alright."
So he goes in there and the chief
hears all this racket and he says
"What the hell are you doing"?
The guy says, "Well you didnt put
any bullets in this gun so I had
to chase her around with a chair
and beat her to death!"


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A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an
after-work cocktail when an exceptionally
gorgeous and sexy young woman entered.
She was so striking that the man could
not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive
stare, and walked directly toward him.
Before he could offer his apologies for
being so rude, the young woman said to
him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything,
that you want me to do, no matter how
kinky, for $20 on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the
condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to
tell me what you want me to do in just
three words. The man considered her
proposition for a moment, withdrew his
wallet from his pocket, and slowly
counted out four $5 bills, which he
pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked deeply into her eyes, and
slowly, meaningfully said: "Paint my house."


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Q: Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast?
A: Because it does not have to stop to change color.


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