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A man bought a new BMW and was out on the
interstate for a nice evening drive. The
top was down and the breeze was blowing
through what was left of his hair, and he
decided to open her up. As the needle jumped
to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red
and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he
thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100, then the reality
of the situation hit him.
"What the heck am I doing?" he thought, and
pulled over.
The officer came up to him, took his license
without a word, and examined it and the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my
shift and it's Friday the 13th.
I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you
can give me an excuse for your driving that
I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last
week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid
you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.


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Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her
husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going
out the door to the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman
opened the door, she was handed a box containing
a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil
wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates
arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer
dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to
come home.
"First the flowers then the chocolates, and then
the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more
wonderful 'Arbor Day' in all my life!"


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Q: why is a school house red?
A: you be red too if you had 7 periods a day.


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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding
car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was
astounded to see that the elderly woman behind
the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled
to the driver, "Pull over!"
"No" the woman yelled back, "Cardigan!"


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