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Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas
pageant at their Church. At dinner that night,
they got into an argument as to who had the most
important role.
Finally, the 10-year-old said to her younger sister,
"Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much
harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."


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During a jungle expedition, the travellers
became aware of the natives drumming.
Whey they asked their guide if this was a
cause for concern, he replied: "As long as
drums playing, no problem, but when drums
stop, something TERRIBLE about to happen!"
Suddenly, the drums stopped, and the terrified
travelers asked the guide what was about
to happen now. He sadly replied: "Bass solo
start now."


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Several men are in the locker room
of a private club after exercising.
Suddenly a cell phone on one of the
benches rings. A man picks it up and
the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I'm at the mall, 2 blocks
from where you are. I saw a beautiful
mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous!
Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500."
"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if
you like it that much."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the
Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002
models. I saw one I really liked. I
spoke with the salesman and he gave
me a really good price, and since we
need to exchange the BMW that we bought
last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000!"
"Okay, but for that price I want it
with all the options."
"Great! Before we hang up, something
else..."
"What?"
"It might seem like a lot, but I was
reconciling your bank account and...
well, I stopped by to see the real
estate agent this morning and I saw
the house we had looked at last year.
It's on sale! Remember? The one with
a pool, English garden, acre of park
area, beachfront property."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000, a magnificent price,
and I see that we have that much in
the bank to cover."
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but
just bid $420,000, OK?"
"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you
later! I love you!"
"Bye."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's
flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know
to whom this phone belongs?"


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The first viola player in the orchestra
comes home after a day of work to find
a charred, smoking hole where his house
used to be. The police captain takes him
aside and explains that, while he was
away, the conductor came to his house,
broke in, stole his valuables, ravished
his wife, beat up his kids, and then
firebombed the house. The violist exclaims
excitedly, "the CONDUCTOR came to MY HOUSE?"


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