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The first viola player in the orchestra
comes home after a day of work to find
a charred, smoking hole where his house
used to be. The police captain takes him
aside and explains that, while he was
away, the conductor came to his house,
broke in, stole his valuables, ravished
his wife, beat up his kids, and then
firebombed the house. The violist exclaims
excitedly, "the CONDUCTOR came to MY HOUSE?"


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Teacher: "If I had seven oranges
in one hand and eight oranges in
the other, what would I have?"
Student: "Big hands!"


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Q: Why was the maths book unhappy?
a: It had too many problems!


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God calls Boris Yeltsin, George W Bush
and Bill Gates into his office and says,
"The world will end in 30 days. Go back
and tell your people."
So, Boris Yeltsin goes to the Russian
people and says, "I have bad news and I
have worse news. The bad news is that
we were wrong, there is a God. The worse
news is that the world will end in 30 days."
George Bush goes on TV and tells the
American people, "I have good news and
I have bad news. The good news is that
the basic family values upon which we
have based our lives on are right -
there is a God. The bad news is that
the world will end in 30 days."
Bill Gates goes to his executive committee
and says, "I have great news and I have
fabulous news. The great news is that
God thinks I'm important. The fabulous
news is that we don't have to ship
Windows 95!"


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