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Q: Why was the maths book unhappy?
a: It had too many problems!


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God calls Boris Yeltsin, George W Bush
and Bill Gates into his office and says,
"The world will end in 30 days. Go back
and tell your people."
So, Boris Yeltsin goes to the Russian
people and says, "I have bad news and I
have worse news. The bad news is that
we were wrong, there is a God. The worse
news is that the world will end in 30 days."
George Bush goes on TV and tells the
American people, "I have good news and
I have bad news. The good news is that
the basic family values upon which we
have based our lives on are right -
there is a God. The bad news is that
the world will end in 30 days."
Bill Gates goes to his executive committee
and says, "I have great news and I have
fabulous news. The great news is that
God thinks I'm important. The fabulous
news is that we don't have to ship
Windows 95!"


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Q: Why are giraffes so slow to apologise?
A: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.


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One night, a teenage girl brought
her new boyfriend home to meet her
parents, and they were appalled
by his appearance: leather jacket,
motorcycle boots, tattoos, and
pierced nose. Later, the parents
pulled their daughter aside and
confessed their concern.
"Dear," said the mother diplomatically,
"he doesn't seem very nice."
"Mom," replied the daughter, "if
he wasn't nice, why would he be
doing 5000 hours of community service?"


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