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City Boy: "Say, Dad, how many
types of milk are there?"
Father: "Well, there's evaporated
milk, buttermilk, malted milk,
and -- but why do you ask?"
City Boy: "Oh, I'm drawing a
picture of a cow, and I want
to know how many 'spigots' to
put on her.


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The pastor shocked the congregation
when he announced that he was resigning
from the church and moving to a drier
climate. After the service, a very
distraught lady came to the pastor
with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor
Bob, we are going to miss you so much.
We don't want you to leave!" The kind
hearted pastor patted her hand and
said "Now, now, Mary, don't carry on.
The pastor who takes my place might
be even better than me".
"Yeah", she said, with a tone of
disappointment in her voice, "That's
what they said the last time too..."


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This little boy goes up to his
dad and he says "Dad?, What's
the difference between Potentially
and Realistically?"
To which the father replies "Well
son, go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Robert Redford
for a million dollars. Then you
ask your sister if she would sleep
with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then you ask your brother if he
would sleep with Tom Cruise for
a million dollars." So the boy
goes up to his mom and asks her
if she would sleep with Robert
Redford for a million dollars and
the mother replies "Oh my god,
of course I would, he is so good
looking!" So the boy moves on
and asks his sister if she would
sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
dollars, and she replies "He is
so fucking fine, of course I
would!" Then last but no least
he goes up to his brother and
asks him if he would sleep with
Tom Cruise for a million dollars,
his brother says "Of course I
would, who wouldn't for a million
bucks?" So he goes up to his dad
and says "I think I learned the
difference between potentially
and realistically" "Well what's
the difference?" says the father.
"Well, potentially we're sitting
on 3 million dollars, realistically
we're living with 2 sluts and a fag!"


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A guy calls the hospital. He
says, "You gotta send help!
My wife's going into labor!"
The nurse says, "Calm down.
Is this her first child?"
He says, "No! This is her
fucking husband!"


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