An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked. "Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 185 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." "Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 79 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -look, my suit's still damp, ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 84 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. City Boy: "Say, Dad, how many types of milk are there?" Father: "Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted milk, and -- but why do you ask?" City Boy: "Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many 'spigots' to put on her. Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 40 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.