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Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical.

After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following:

"Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one
problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese."

"I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years."

She looks sternly at him and says, "I demand a second opinion".

"OK" he says, "you're f#cking ugly as well!"


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Answers to Questions on Science Tests
By 5th and 6th graders:

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top, and you sit on the
bottom.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water and then forcing it through an
aviator.

The inhabitants of Moscow are Mosquitoes.

It is so hot in some places that people there have to live in other places.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places which is why they look like umbrellas.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I never have been able to
make out the numbers.

In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do
it, we say they are crazy.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the victim is dead.

Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at
the bottom.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.

Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it
does.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many
people are stomping around there these days.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of
things people forget to put the top on.

You can listen to thunder and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear
it, you got hit, so never mind.


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A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an
elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you... you're going straight to
hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Good heavens, I'm on the wrong bus!"


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A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed
limit.

Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write
him out a warning instead of a ticket.

So, he asks the man his name." Fred" he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred" the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a
last name but lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred,
how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know,
funny last name.

The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good
grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I
was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was
my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD
DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD.
So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD
with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took
away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred." The officer let him go without
even a warning.



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