Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!! It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car usingmy knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL! WOMEN DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 6 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A couple were at it on the sofa when the phone rang. "Who was it?" the guy asked. "My husband," she replied. "I better get going then," the guy said "Where was when he phoned?" "Relax. He's downtown playing poker with you." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 5 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Jesus, Moses and an old man were teeing off on the 16th hole on heaven's golf course. The 16th hole is a par 3 (short) over a lake. Moses, the first to tee off, steps up and swings, and the ball dives right for the water. He instantly spreads his arms, the water parts, and the ball rolls across the bottom of the lake and up on to the green. The others complement him on his shot, and then Jesus steps up for his turn. Like Moses, Jesus' ball heads straight for the water, but when it gets there, it just rolls across the surface of the lake, continuing until it gets across and rolls up onto the green. After showering him with complements, the old man steps up to take his shot. His ball also dives for the lake, but bounces off the back of a turtle and on to the far shore. There, a squirrel picks up the ball and heads for the woods. As the others begin to laugh, a hawk swoops down and picks up the squirrel. As the hawk flies over the green, it squeezes the squirrel. The ball falls out of the squirrels mouth, bounces once on the green, and then rolls into the cup. Jesus turns to the man and says, "Nice shot dad!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 11 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical. After an hour or so, the doctor looks at Mrs. Jones and says the following: "Mrs. Jones, overall you are very healthy for a 45 year old. There is however, only one problem. You are 40 pounds overweight and bordering on obese." "I would strongly suggest that you diet now to save any complications in later years." She looks sternly at him and says, "I demand a second opinion". "OK" he says, "you're f#cking ugly as well!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 5 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.