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A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy
suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this
boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't really know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath
underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't really know, son."

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't really know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he said, "Dad, do you mind me asking you all of
these questions?"

"Of course not son. How else are you ever going to learn anything?" replied his father.


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The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in
on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the
confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one
hand."

The new priest tries this.

The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, "I see, yes, go on, and I understand.
How did you feel about that?'"

The new priest says those things, trying them out.

The old priest says,

"Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and going 'no shit?!
what happened next?'"


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Things to say to telemarketers

The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn't released the
body to the coroner yet. Can you call back a little later?

What's that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down on my hearing
aid. Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? I'm afraid we're just not
communicating.

I'm gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some
hot water. Lots of it. Sorry, gotta hurry now, don't go away.

Oh, it's you again. I was hoping you'd call back. The better business people said I need
more positive identification to file my complaint. Now first let me have your name and
telephone number...


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It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the
students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin
snow plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who
went to move 26 cars please return to class."


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