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Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from
the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven
years old.

They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a
pair of shoes over a decade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.

"Not very likely," his wife said.

"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the
car, and drove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.

With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."
He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"

"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be
here after all this time."

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said
calmly.


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A priest was walking along the corridor of the parochial school near the preschool wing
when a group of little ones were trotting by on the way to the cafeteria.

One little boy stopped and looked at him in his clerical clothes and asked, "Why do you
dress funny?"

He told him he was a priest and this is the uniform priests wear. The little boy pointed
to the priest's plastic collar tab and asked, "Do you have an owie?"

The priest was perplexed till he realized that to him the collar tab looked like a
band-aid.

So the priest took it out and handed it to the little boy, to show him. On the back of the
tab were raised letters giving the name of the manufacturer.

The boy felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what those words say?"

"Yes I do," replied the young boy, who was not old enough to read.

Peering intently at the letters he said, "Kills ticks and fleas up to six months!"


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The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked,
"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45
degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."


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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove
box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and
stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded
by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't
have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in
the trunk?

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!


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