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Two eskimos, a big one and a little one, go to their local Alaskan convent with a
question. The big one nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, knock on the door, knock
on the door."

The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big eskimo nudges the little one and
says, "Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question."

The little eskimo timidly says, "May we speak with the midget nun that lives here
please?"

The Mother Superior answers, "There are no midget nuns living here."

The big eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, "Go ahead, ask her the other
question, ask her the other question."

The little eskimo asks in a quavering voice, "Well. Are there any midget nuns in Alaska?"

The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, "Why no, I don't believe so."

With this the big eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he
laughs uncontrollably. "See", he says to the little eskimo, "I told you you fucked a
penguin!"


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I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding
12-mile march.

We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever
come. "Men," our sergeant
yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"

Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," he continued, "we should reach the starting
point any minute now."


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A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior.

After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of
them at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side
of the grass!"


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I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one
day, I was coaching her as I drove.

I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her drivers
permit.

"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep", she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one."

So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an
hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"

"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked. "One?!"

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One
mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."


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