Little Jonny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the rosy-cheeked youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Jonny?" "My goldfish died," replied Jonny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Jonny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 14 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Jack was first up in his foursome. Eyeing the ball, he swung his club and hooked his shot over the fence and down a road where the ball crashed through the windshield of an oncoming car. The startled driver lost control of his vehicle, and it spun into a parking lot and bounced off three cars. Jack raced over to the crash scene and was relieved to find that no one was hurt. Almost immediately a policeman arrived and spotted Jack standing next to the crashed car eyeing his ball. "Just what are you going to do about this?" demanded the policeman. Jack looked up. "Well, the first thing I'm going to do is change my grip." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 159 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. The Future As Seen From 1950 Not so long ago, this is what you'd hear in passing: "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its' going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20." "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5000 will only buy a used one." "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous." "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?" "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store." "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage." "Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls." "Also, their music drives me wild. This 'Rock Around The Clock' thing is nothing but racket." "Pretty soon you won't be able to buy a good 10 cent cigar." "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas." "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president." "Do you suppose television will ever reach our part of the country?" "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now." "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet." "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work." "Marriage doesn't mean a thing anymore, Those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat." "I'll tell you one thing. If my kid ever talks back to me, they won't be able to sit down for a week." "Did you know the new church in town is allowing women to wear slacks to their service?" "Next thing you know is, the government will start paying us not to grow crops." "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business." "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress." "Why in the world would you want to send your daughter to college? Isn't she going to get married? It would be different if she could be a doctor or a lawyer." "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on." "There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel." "Anymore no one can afford to be sick, $35 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood." "If a few idiots want to risk their necks flying across the country that's fine, but nothing will ever replace trains." "I don't know about you but if they raise the price of coffee to 15 cents, I'll just have to drink mine at home." "If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it. I'll have my wife learn to cut hair." "We won't be going out much anymore. Our baby sitter informed us she wants 50 cents an hour. Kids think money grows on trees." "Cars which dim their lights by sensors, automatic transmissions, and who knows what else? Pretty soon they will drive themselves." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 8 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Two eskimos, a big one and a little one, go to their local Alaskan convent with a question. The big one nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door." The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big eskimo nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question." The little eskimo timidly says, "May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?" The Mother Superior answers, "There are no midget nuns living here." The big eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, "Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question." The little eskimo asks in a quavering voice, "Well. Are there any midget nuns in Alaska?" The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, "Why no, I don't believe so." With this the big eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably. "See", he says to the little eskimo, "I told you you fucked a penguin!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 162 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.