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A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly
pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.

"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour
over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took
off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he
became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an
embankment and hit a tree.

His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was
stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she
replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put
this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in
that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"


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A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the desert. After a few days the camel falls
over dead.

After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the
rest of the journey.

The priest asks the nun "I have never seen a woman's breasts, and at this point it
probably wouldn't matter much, so could I see yours?"

The nun agrees and shows him her breasts.

"May I touch them?" The nun allows him to.

The priest comments sincerely how wonderful they are. The nun then asks "Father, I have
never seen a man's penis before, could you show me yours? The priest drops his drawers.

"May I touch it?" After she fondles his penis for a minute he sports a huge erection.

The priest says, "you know if I place my penis in the proper place it can give life!"

"Is that right" the nun replies?

"Yes."

"Then why don't you stick it up that camels ass and lets get the hell out of here!"


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A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune
in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up
buying a donkey instead.

He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To
his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this
time it won.

The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.

The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the
Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey.

The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next
day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so
she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the
Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it
go.

Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The
Bishop was buried the next day.


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The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes.

When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting
absolutely quiet.

She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is
wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and
quiet?"

Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever
came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!!"


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