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An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought
to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived.

Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his
eyes.

Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light,
and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.

St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a
donation of $50, we could return to the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and
gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the
Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."


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A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if
they were familiar with them.

"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?"

Joe answered the correct airline.

"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, 'Don't leave home without it'?"

Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty.

"Now Johny, tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?"

And Johny answered, "Mom."


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A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so
easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that's
bad.

Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too
was bad.

Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming
concerned.

Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm
trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by
a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and
abusing her.

I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I
then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how
despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".

"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?

"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.



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A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven
at the same moment.

They spend the day in orientation, and as they're getting their heavenly vestments, the
Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer
apparel, made of gold thread, and Gucci shoes.

Then, they get to see where they're going to live. The Pope gets what everyone else gets,
a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18 room mansion with servants and
a swimming pool.

At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a Manischewitz kosher TV dinner, and
the lawyer receives a fine and tasty meal, served on silver platters.

By this time, the lawyer is beginning to suspect that an error has been made.

He asks one of the angels in charge, "Has there been some kind of mistake? This guy was
the Pope, and he gets what everyone else gets, and I'm just a lawyer and I'm getting the
finest of everything?"

The angel replied, "No mistake, sir. We've had lots of popes here, but you're the first
lawyer we've ever had."


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