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The kids filed back into class Monday morning.

They were very excited. Their weekend
assignment was to sell something,
then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Mary led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "my
sales approach
was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to
everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events."

"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked
to the front of
the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to
make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I
gave everybody who walked by a sample.

They all said the same thing.
"Hey, this tastes like s**t!" Then I would say, " It is, wanna buy a toothbrush?"

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While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a
brand new, shiny watch.

"Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.

"Nope." replied Jimmy.

"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?".

Again Jimmy says "Nope."

"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny.

"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing
the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me.

Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new
watch. He vowed to get one for himself.

That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises
of lovemaking.

Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom.

His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?"

"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.

Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep

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A man lies on his deathbed surrounded by his family, a weeping wife and four children.

Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and the youngest
is an ugly runt.

"Darling wife," The husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I
want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if..."

The wife gently interrupts him. "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my
mother's grave that you are his father."

The man dies happy.

The wife mutters under her breath, "Thank God he didn't ask me about the other three!"

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A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and
everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of
the bed. It was addressed,"Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new
girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real
passion with Joan and she is so nice -- even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her
tight Motorcycle clothes.

But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very
happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns
a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan
taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and
trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime,
we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure
deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's
in my desk centre drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

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