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A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and
everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of
the bed. It was addressed,"Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and
read the letter with trembling hands:


Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new
girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real
passion with Joan and she is so nice -- even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her
tight Motorcycle clothes.

But it's not only the passion dad, she's pregnant and Joan said that we will be very
happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns
a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

She wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Joan
taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and
trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime,
we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure
deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son,
John

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's
in my desk centre drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.


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This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her
flight.

When she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your
fortune.

So she thought to herself I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me.

So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said,
Your a nun you weigh 128lbs and your going to Chicago Illinois.

So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself it probably tells
everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again.

So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said,
your nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to play a fiddle.

She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in
my life.

She sat back down and this Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down she picked up the
fiddle and just started playing beautiful music.

She looked back at the machine and said this is incredible I've got to try it again.

So she went back to the machine put her nickel in another card came out and it said, your
a nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to break wind.

She thinks I know it's wrong now I've never broke wind in public a day in my life, well
she tripped and fell off the scales and FARTED like a bay mule.

So she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. She said to herself this is
truly unbelievable, I've got to try it again.

She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and a card came out and said, your a nun,
you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to have sex.

She said ah-hah that does it I know for sure its wrong now, I'm a nun, ain't ever had
none, and ain't ever gonna get none.

Well a huge electrical storm came through and the electricity went off and she got
raped... She sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said this is
truly, truly, incredible.

But one thing is for certain, I've got to try it again just to see what is gonna happen to
me before I leave this airport.

She went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said. Your a
nun, you weigh 128lbs., you have fiddled, farted, fucked around and missed your flight to
Chicago!!!!!!!!


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Four men went to play golf.
Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care
of the bill.
The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.

The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful he gave
a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to him!"

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership.
He's so successful that he gave one of his friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he's
doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock and bond portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business.

The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?"

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar."

The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the
dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a new
Mercedes, and a complete stock portfolio!"



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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You
know, I don't know what else to do.

Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get
to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off
before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease
into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I
screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the
closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, "WHO'S HORNY".....?!!!"

And she acts like she's sound asleep.



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