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Bob and Earl were best friends and had been for 50 years. They went to baseball games
together and had the best time possible.

They truly loved the game but they always wondered if there was baseball in heaven and
agreed that whoever died first had to call the other guy and tell them if there was
baseball in heaven.

Then one night Earl died and then a few days later Bob went to his funeral and came home
after the burial service.

Then the phone rang it was Earl.
Earl said,"Bob is this you"
Bob said,"Yes, Earl how are you doing and is there baseball in heaven?"

Earl said,"Well I've got some good news and some bad news."
Bob said, "Whats the good news?"

Earl said, "Well there is baseball in heaven and you can play with Babe Ruth and everybody
its great"

Bob said, "Then what's the bad news?"

Earl said, "Well Bob, your starting pitching tommorow night!"


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Three racehorses were sitting in a bar bragging to each other about their life
accomplishments.

The first horse boasts, "I've been in 59 races and I've won 35 of them."

"That's nothing," says the second horse. "I've raced 97 times, and I've won 78 of them!"

The third horse joins in, "Well, I've raced 122 times and I've won 102!"

Just then, the horses hear a voice say, "I've got you all beat!"

The horses look down and see a greyhound.

"I've raced over 200 times, and I have NEVER lost!"

The horses look at the dog in amazement.

One of them says "How about that, a talking dog!"



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Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held
his fragile hand, tears running down her face.Her praying roused him from his slumber. He
looked up, and his pale lips began to move slightly.

"Becky, my darling," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I have something that I must
confess."

"There isn't anything to confess," replied the weeping Becky, "everything's alright, go to
sleep."

"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her
best friend, and your mother!"

"I know," whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."



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"Class dismissed!" the teacher yelled.

Little Johnny doesn't go, he walks to the teachers desk and says, "Teacher can I go home
with you?"

The teacher says "No!"

Little Johnny says, "I'll tell my daddy."

So the teacher says, "Okay."

They get to the teachers house and she says, "Well I'm going to take a quick shower, you
sit right here."

"Can I take a shower with you?" he asks.

"NO!" says the teacher.

"I'll tell my daddy!!"

"Well, okay, I guess so."

So, they're in the shower and little Johnny says, "Can I turn off the lights?"

"No!" says the teacher.

"I'll tell my daddy."

"Well, okay."

So the lights are off and little Johnny says, "Can I stick my finger in your belly
button?"

"NO!" says the teacher.

"I'll tell my daddy."

"Well, okay"says the teacher.

"JOHNNY!!!! That's not my belly-button!"

"Yeah? That's not my finger either."



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