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RETARDED GRANDPARENTS (this was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from
school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big
brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona.

Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are
anymore.

They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it
is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but in it, they all jump up and down with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all
day so nobody can escape.

Sometimes they sneak out. They go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night, "early
birds".

Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out,
bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should
work hard so I can be retarded someday too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people
out so they can visit the grandchildren.



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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went to look for
it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and he said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a
condition to your wishes, whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or
better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most
handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he
will only have eyes for me."

So, KAZAM! She's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be
ten times richer than you. "

The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, KAZAM! she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart
attack."



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Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny
seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls, and would
his mother, please, sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

So, Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the
door.

"First Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..." So he unbuttons her blouse and takes
it off.

"OK, now take off my skirt..." And he takes off her skirt.

"Now, take off my bra..." Which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties..."

And when Johnny finishes removing these, she says,

"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"

"What were you thinking?"



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How to take your puppy's photo

1. Remove film from box and load camera.

2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

3. Remove puppy from trash, brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

4. Choose a suitable background for photo.

5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

11. Put cat outside, put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

12. Put magazines back on coffee table.

13. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

14. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

15. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

16. Clean up mess.

17. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" soon.



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