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An Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.

He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run.

So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.

The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious.

The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.

The whole event was caught on videotape.


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A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her
taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your
occupation?"

The woman replies, "I'm a whore."

The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass.
Let's try to rephrase that."

"Ok, I'm a prostitute."

"No, that is still too crude. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "I'm a chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a
prostitute?"

"Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year.



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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little
confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago,
that He grew up, etc... So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today ?"

Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." and Robert, waving his hand
furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his
wits and asked Robert how he knew this.

Robert said, "Well.....every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and
yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"


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A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and
one drive goes to the left.

The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty
swing at the ball.

She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the
buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at
her and says...

"I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you
won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become
physically ill to the point of total nausea."

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out
to her husband "Hey, where's your ball?"

"It's over here in the pussy willows."

The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"


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