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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little
confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.

He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago,
that He grew up, etc... So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today ?"

Johnny raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." and Robert, waving his hand
furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his
wits and asked Robert how he knew this.

Robert said, "Well.....every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and
yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"


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A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and
one drive goes to the left.

The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty
swing at the ball.

She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the
buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at
her and says...

"I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you
won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become
physically ill to the point of total nausea."

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out
to her husband "Hey, where's your ball?"

"It's over here in the pussy willows."

The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"


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David beckham is in a school and he goes into one classroom and says now kids can anyone
tell me what a tragedy would be.

One boy sticks his hand up and says "If my friend was playing football in the street and
got run over by a car that would be a tragedy".

"No", says beckham "That would be described as an accident.

So a girl puts her hand up and says "If a bus carrying about 50 children fell of a cliff
and every child died that would be a tragedy".

"Fraid not". says Beckham "That would be a great loss".

So then silence, no-one answers.

"What", says Beckham "Can't anyone tell me what a tragedy would be".

Eventually little Johnny at the back puts his hand up and says, "If a plane carrying David
Beckham was blown up by a bomb that would be a tragedy".

"Wonderful", beams Beckham and he says "Now can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

The boy replies, "Well it would not be an accident and it certainly would not be a great
loss"


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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with
for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to
put the curse on you.

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."


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