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Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to
see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that
the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing
ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose
and really beautiful eyes." "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful, the Doctor said he will have 20/20

"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be in trouble if he needed glasses"

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A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the first time, her
father's nakedness.

Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are
those round things hanging there, daddy?"

Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.

Without them we wouldn't be here."

Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.

To which mommy asks, "Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?

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After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo ( he doesn't travel light),
the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, your Eminence, "says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and
I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should
happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.

The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme
Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal
to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one
look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred
and five.

"So bust him," said the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!

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A little boy hears the word "whorehouse" in school and asks his father what it means.

His father is quite shocked, and replies: "Well, uh... you go there to... have a good

The boy starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there too, but his father
insists that he's too young.

Saturday night his dad and a few friends go to "Suzie's" to "have a good time," not
knowing the little boy is following them.

After his father leaves, the little boy enters the whorehouse and tells the madame that he
too wants to have a good time. She's a bit puzzled at first, but being a kind-hearted
lady, she gives him three doughnuts and tells him to leave.

Later that night he comes home, his parents all worried.

His father approaches him first and asks him where he's been.

"IN A WHOREHOUSE!" he screams proudly.

"WHAT? Well... uh... how was it?"

"I managed the first two without any problem, but I just licked the last one."

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