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A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and
one drive goes to the left.

The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty
swing at the ball.

She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the
buttercups.

Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. She blocks her path to her golf bag and looks at
her and says...

"I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you treated my buttercups. From now on, you
won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become
physically ill to the point of total nausea."

The mystery woman then disappears as quickly as she appeared. Shaken, the wife calls out
to her husband "Hey, where's your ball?"

"It's over here in the pussy willows."

The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!!"


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David beckham is in a school and he goes into one classroom and says now kids can anyone
tell me what a tragedy would be.

One boy sticks his hand up and says "If my friend was playing football in the street and
got run over by a car that would be a tragedy".

"No", says beckham "That would be described as an accident.

So a girl puts her hand up and says "If a bus carrying about 50 children fell of a cliff
and every child died that would be a tragedy".

"Fraid not". says Beckham "That would be a great loss".

So then silence, no-one answers.

"What", says Beckham "Can't anyone tell me what a tragedy would be".

Eventually little Johnny at the back puts his hand up and says, "If a plane carrying David
Beckham was blown up by a bomb that would be a tragedy".

"Wonderful", beams Beckham and he says "Now can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

The boy replies, "Well it would not be an accident and it certainly would not be a great
loss"


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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with
for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to
put the curse on you.

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."


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Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to
see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that
the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing
ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back
home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose
and really beautiful eyes." "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful, the Doctor said he will have 20/20
vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be in trouble if he needed glasses"



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