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Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach.

The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water.

Shortly thereafter, the boy runs to his mother and says, "Mommy, I saw some ladies with
boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mother cleverly replies, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are!"

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play.

Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I
saw some men with dongs a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

"The bigger they are, the dumber they are!" she replies.

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play.

Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I
just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber
he got!"


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Spending too much time on the computer?

Here are some commom indicators:

1. You accidentally enter your computer password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail
addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business
manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
''long-service to the company'' awards.

AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE...

13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your friends.

15. You got this e-mail from a friend who never talks to you anymore, except to send you
jokes from the net.

16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9.

17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No. 9.

18. AND NOW YOU'RE LAUGHING at yourself.

Finally:
19. You've read this before.



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A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into
a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered.

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."


Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."




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To:All Staff
Cc:
From:Management
RE:Early Retirement

Due to our current financial situation, management has decided to implement a scheme to
put all workers over 30 on early retirement. This scheme will be know as RAPE (Retire Aged
Personnel Early).

Person selected to be RAPED can apply to the management to be eligible for the SHAFT
(Special Help AFTer retirement). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW scheme (SCheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED only
once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been raped can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or
Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons
who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SCREWED any further by management.

Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as
possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of SHIT it gives its staff.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT please bring it to the attention of
your manager. He has been trained to give all the SHIT you can handle.


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