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A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $4.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep
track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free
drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender
leans over sand says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were
drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is
going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds. "Just give me my change
and I'll be on my way."


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Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach.

The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water.

Shortly thereafter, the boy runs to his mother and says, "Mommy, I saw some ladies with
boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mother cleverly replies, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are!"

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play.

Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I
saw some men with dongs a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

"The bigger they are, the dumber they are!" she replies.

With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play.

Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I
just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber
he got!"


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Spending too much time on the computer?

Here are some commom indicators:

1. You accidentally enter your computer password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail
addresses.

6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business
manner.

7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.

8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
''long-service to the company'' awards.

AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE...

13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your friends.

15. You got this e-mail from a friend who never talks to you anymore, except to send you
jokes from the net.

16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9.

17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No. 9.

18. AND NOW YOU'RE LAUGHING at yourself.

Finally:
19. You've read this before.



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A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into
a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered.

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."


Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."




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