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A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into
a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
entered.

It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic
hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."


Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."




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To:All Staff
Cc:
From:Management
RE:Early Retirement

Due to our current financial situation, management has decided to implement a scheme to
put all workers over 30 on early retirement. This scheme will be know as RAPE (Retire Aged
Personnel Early).

Person selected to be RAPED can apply to the management to be eligible for the SHAFT
(Special Help AFTer retirement). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW scheme (SCheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED only
once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been raped can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or
Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons
who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SCREWED any further by management.

Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as
possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of SHIT it gives its staff.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT please bring it to the attention of
your manager. He has been trained to give all the SHIT you can handle.


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The timid man had been advised by his psychiatrist to go home and assert himself. "Don't
let your wife bully you anymore. Go home and show her who's the boss."

So, the timid soul went home, banged the door shut, and said in a loud voice, "Now get
this! From now on, I'm the boss in this joint, and I'm giving the orders and you're
obeying them.

Now get busy and get my supper on the table right away and after that, lay out my clothes
because I'm going out tonight, alone in my tuxedo. And, do you know who's going to dress
me in my tuxedo and black tie?"

"Yes, dear," replied the wife softly, "the undertaker."


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A man comes home from a night of drinking.

As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home
half drunk?"

The man replies, "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money."


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