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Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a
sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue"

Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."


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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here
at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee and says, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were
dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I
do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father
caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued... "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,
'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that too," she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."



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On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is
a kid on his shiny new bike.

The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid says, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail light on that bike." The cop then
proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse
you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humouring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of
on top."



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At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Morris
should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may
overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock"
on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85 year
old groom ready for action. They unite as one.

All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a
few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Morris. Again he
is ready for more "action".

Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done,
Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it, Morris is back again, rapping on
the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once again they
enjoy each other.

But as Morris gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly
impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys
less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover,
Morris."

Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: "You mean I was here already?"



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