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Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they
were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question."

"Which is ...?", they replied in unison.

"Have you been a good girl ?", he asked the first girl.

"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I
got married."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.

"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got
married."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.

"Oh no, not at all", she said. "I practically have sex with every guy I met before and
after I got married. Anywhere, anytime."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... my room key."



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Three guys are sitting at the bar, when a stranger walked in and took a stool at the far
end of the bar. The three guys were tranfixed on the stranger, who bear a striking
resemblance to Jesus.

For quite a while they were speculating if in fact it was the Son of God himself. Finally
Joe stands up and said he would find out for sure and walked down to the end of the bar,
but before he could even open his mouth, the stranger said, " you have had constant pain
in your lower back for many years, and so I say unto you "Be healed". Instantly the pain
left his body. He ran back to tell the others. Tom said that it was bullshit and went down
to the end of the bar, but again before he could say anything, the stranger said, "since
you were a child you have had an inferior left eye, Be heal and see the world the way God
intended. Tom's bad eye was seeing as well as the other. Both 20/20. He came back to
inform the others. Mack just set there, "well I'm not going down there - come hell or high
water. Just then the stranger started walking toward Mack. Finally he was less than ten
feet away from him Mack yells out, "Stay away from me you son of a bitch...I'm on
Disability.


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Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one
night, the drunk yuppie led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the friends asked.

"Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriouiouously?"

(burping) "Yup."

"Hmmm (hic)."

"How's it work?" the second friend asked, squinting at it.

"Watshhh," the yuppie replied. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear-shattering pound and
stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment in silence.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For f***'s sake you idiot, it's
ten past three in the morning."


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Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the
Mother Superior was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room,
strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there was a knock at the door. "Who is it?" called one of
the nuns.

"Blind man," replied a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a
blind man into the room, so they open the door.

"Nice boobs," said the man. "Where do you want these venetian blinds to be hung?"


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