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One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in
for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts
reminiscing....

"I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people
won't call you 'the bridge builder' if you do that here. No, no, they don't!"

"I remember building that house over there when I was 30. But people won't call you 'the
house builder' if you do that. No, no they don't!"

"I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when I was 35. If you do that
people won't call you 'the tavern builder' either. They sure won't!"

"But if you f#ck one goat......."


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A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything
you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a
good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on
the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind
big-time.

At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was
her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the
sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish
stink bait is $2.50."


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A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace
looking at the goods when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come
in, come into my humble shop."

So the married couple walked in.

The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested
in. They make you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but
her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Jamaican replied, "Just try them on,"

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them
on.� As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes,
something his wife hadn't seen in many years!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table,
yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the
Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming; YOU GOT THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!!!



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1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly
things here, and drink whatever comes out of them?"

2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next
thing that comes out of it's butt."

3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which
no decent human being would eat?

4. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

5. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

6. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

7. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he
fix a hole in a boat?

8. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their
crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

9. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up
there anyway?

10. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

11. If Wile E Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap why didn't he just buy
dinner?

12. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

13. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

14. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

15. Stop singing and read on............

16. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

17. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a
hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

18. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when
you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

19. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?



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